did you get engaged???
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
