so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
