Kiss
Puke
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize