bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
