you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
