Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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