Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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