How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
