Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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