I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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