so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
