i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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