I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize