in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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