The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
