I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
