Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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