my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
