the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
