I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
