I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
are you so shy because you have an std?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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