RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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