So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
