Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
