Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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