i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
