p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Randomize
