If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
