Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
