I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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