uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
