Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
