You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
