I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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