just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
