sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
