this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Pants are for mortals
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
