I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
