he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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