there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
