How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
