Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
