yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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