My room smells like vodka and shame
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
