that's an acceptable place to lick
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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