Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
