I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
