Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
