I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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