I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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