Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
