Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the raccoons are back...
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