No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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