Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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