I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
