im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wish I only lived at night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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