I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
