i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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