Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He shit in the fireplace
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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