Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
