she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
