Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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