AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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