I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
