Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize