I wish my penis had an off switch
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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