george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
we should paint friendship bongs
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