I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
