I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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