Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
