Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
