I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize