good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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