how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
