you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize