I didn't shave. On purpose
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
