My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
