hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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