There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
