I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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