He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize