whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
