This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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