I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
