I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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