i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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