How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize