I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
