btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
