Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
